Love yourself a little more?

Dear me,

Yes, this one is for you dear! You’ve walked enough out there, wearing your heart on your sleeves. Pause and love yourself a little more, because on the days you wake up feeling blue, just like today, you might be the only one around you!

P.S. We do write long letters/ emails / messages to our acquaintances living in different parts of the world, right? Then how do we find it difficult to write to someone so close to us – US?! Considering the crunch in time we face from the daily rat-race, isn’t this supposed to be the nearest and convenient letter to post or send across – a letter to ourselves? We don’t need to step out of our homes or catch a taxi or take out our phones and tire our tiny fingers with all the typing. All that is required is just a calm place to shush your heart screaming out for attention, yes, your attention! Just sit down and listen to yourself; listen to all the little secrets you have been hiding from the world behind your beautiful smile!

Before you wonder and start to regret for putting the P.S. amidst a letter, when it’s supposed to be at the end, let me tell you: “It doesn’t always have to be perfect, and no one is. There is nothing in this world that is perfect, neither time nor a person. It’s on you to make a moment perfect. You can make mistakes just like anyone else does. You may meet a right person at the wrong time or vice versa. But you learn from these mistakes and if you don’t, then do give a knock on your head on my behalf! Well, glad you smiled reading that one; a smile sincere from your heart, the beautiful and honest smile I’ve been longing from you since long! So, hey listen, you don’t need to break yourself over and over with each mistake because it’s the mistakes that help you grow. Just stay strong enough to be there for yourself because I know the relay your over-exerting mind and heart plays by passing on the baton of thoughts, is the toughest race you need to win. So, save some fuel in you, for yourself.”

Understand that it’s fine if your social battery has drained off, I mean how can it not? I’m indeed surprised that you came along this far, while holding onto the broken pieces of your heart. It’s high time that you understand that you were trying to complete your life’s jigsaw puzzle by looking for the missing piece in someone else’s hand, when it was always there, hidden deep within your soul. All it takes is a look into yourself when you feel lost! You are an ocean of your own, where people can get lost if they care to venture. So, escape from the world and dive into this deep ocean until you hit rock bottom. It’s always fun to explore the unexplored, isn’t it?! See your heart unfold many secrets that you have been turning a blind eye to and remember that you are an adventure of your own!

It’s ok to overthink about the little things, questioning your life, and breaking down. In fact, you need to be proud of yourself for having a heart that bleeds in this world of scarce emotions. You care a lot and hence hurt a lot. On those days, do remember your favourite quote from TFIOS: “Without pain, how could we know joy?” And do remember that it is also OK to feel numb! It happens and it’s just a phase that will pass by. Even, rocks crumble and so will your heart start to feel again.

Don’t let the world change you. You are loved for who you are, so you do you my dear! Be there for yourself, because you are the nearest person you can run to when you feel lost in this world. And, mostly because you know you are lazy, and it is more convenient that way!

Get out of the bed and stop sulking because you are meant to shine bright. Do not give the rights to anyone else to dull your sparkle because it is only this spark that can guide you back to home- YOU!

So, on the days you feel blue, just go with the flow! Do everything that you want to even if it is as crazy as it may sound or do nothing at all. Take yourself out or shut the world behind your doors and enjoy solitude with a cup of tea or by just lying on the bed wrapped in your blanket. Go to the beach and just listen to the waves lash at the shore or sit in your balcony and stare down at the world running here and there or stare into the walls of your apartment right to horizon. Cry your eyes out or laugh like a lunatic. Starve until your stomach growls or eat until you can’t squeeze in a morsel more. Laze around in your over-sized pyjamas or fit into the attire that brings out the confidence in you. Watch your favourite series all over again or disconnect yourself from the gadgets around you. Cook a meal for yourself and laugh over the mess you created in the kitchen or order in your go-to meal and gobble it down. Have a long hot shower or walk like a mess.

All that I’m reminding you is, be the way you want and give your soul a break, because I love you and I can’t see you break down. You are my happy place; always have and always will be! There is no one who can replace you and none that I’d wish would take your place.

Knowing how you are, I know you’ll overthink many more times and shatter into tinier pieces. But do me a favour and love yourself a little more?

Sincerely,

ME.

P.S. We are in a world where we can describe anything and everything but when asked to talk about ourselves, we pause, we hesitate! A world where we find answers to any question just a click away, but never able to find an answer to, “Who am I?” because that’s an answer unique to each one of us and an answer that can be answered just by us! Are we that horrible to not be loved or cared for? If the answer is a yes, then my friend you are making the second mistake of expecting to find love from people around you. Yes, the second mistake! Because, the first mistake is that you are missing out on something precious than a gem in search of something/someone that is incomparable with you!

Why do you love me?!

How powerful are those three words;” I love you!”?! Easily given away, but when you need to support your statement, you find yourself at a loss of words!

In an hour-long video call between the long-distance couple, she gave him a 20-minute list on why she felt things were going to be difficult for them. He paused her and asked just a question, “Why do you love me?”! Those were the few times; her non-stop chattering found a sudden full-stop and the perfect curve her lips made while she smiled, turned into a straight line. She never could find the right answer to provide him with. She didn’t want to hurt him rather, as she felt she never had the right choice of words for such situations. He calmly asked her once again, breaking the silence, “Why do you love me? You found a never-ending list of things for why you feel we don’t stand a chance. But tell me, how did this begin in the first place? If you can answer that question you’ve been dodging since ever, I’ll listen to you rant for however long you wish to!”

They just gazed at each other, because they knew what they felt was something that no word in the English dictionary could do justice to. The silence that prevailed, was broken by their hearts that beat louder! Their heart wanted to step in and remind them about what they felt for each other, but it was side-lined once again by the mind playing a game of just snakes & snakes. Yes, a game with no ladders to pull them out of the mess going through their heads! All they had to believe was in themselves; not as individuals but as “one”. But the what-ifs roared louder with no answers and those questions summoned them once again at the court of love. They pleaded mercy with all their might but were found guilty because they let the questions question the most vulnerable yet beautiful feeling, love!

She wanted him to be there for her till the end, though knowing he was no prince charming who rode a white horse. She knew his love and care mattered much more than the struggles that they would have to go through if the future saw them together. They were ready to fight anyone and anything, that stood in their way of love. Little did they know that a rather devastating war had to be fought with their own minds, a war that left both at loss!

She let out a sigh and whispered, “I Love You!”. Yes, those three words hid an ocean of emotions and were the only words that could answer his question. He knew she never gave away those words that easily and if she said it, it’s because she meant it. She used to never answer to his “I love you-s” or “I miss you-s” with a “You too”. But when she said it; it felt so magnetic that those words left him with goosebumps.

With this, a tear trickled down her cheek and it broke him knowing that he wasn’t next to her to wipe it off. She quickly wiped it off and thanked him for being there for her every time she felt the world was pulling her down. But, what an irony right? Her world itself was drowning in front of her eyes, and all she could do was to watch helplessly. She managed to pull herself up and gasped, ”Love alone is not enough for two people to live together happily. Families matter. Time matters and it waits for none. So, I guess, this is it! We don’t stand a chance, do we?” Her eyes looked up at him, with hope.

Now, a tear trickled down his cheek. He could feel a lump in his throat and him choking on words that he knew was not enough to make her stay. He managed to let out the words trying to break-free; “I don’t want to lose you, because you are my happy place too. But I can’t be selfish enough to keep you waiting, without giving you the assurance you are asking for.”

They nodded in agreement and tried to smile because their smile was each other’s strength. They didn’t want to keep the call, as they knew that could be the last time, they saw each other, until sometime in near future (fingers crossed). They wanted to meet one last time, but felt, it would have been all the more difficult to break-off from their tight hug and walk away. They thanked the invention of technology, for making things a tad easier.

They wanted it to end on a happy note and hence started recollecting all the beautiful moments they shared. Though, they smiled on the outside, their hearts were breaking into pieces with each memory shared, because they knew there will be never an end to discussing this as each moment they spent together happily or fighting, was worth it! They grew together and was each other’s support system. They were each other’s home, that one’d want to crash into after a long day!

The villain finally stepped in; the message that read: “Your data pack is about to get over….” They knew it was the end, an end so shattering after a long and beautiful run of 5 years. They never regretted that they met each other but was rather glad they got to spend some cherish-able moments together. Yes, their 5 years were going to end in 5 minutes! They didn’t waste those few minutes by speaking because they knew words meant nothing. They stared at each other, letting the tears roll down their cheeks, trying to capture those last few moments. They could see the 5 years they spent, flash in front of their eyes and their future snap into nothing, at the blink of their eyes! The phone beeped, and she let out a sigh, “I guess, this is it!”.

The screen went blank, and they both broke down, at different corners of the world!

P.S. Some people travel like parallel lines in a hope to meet at infinity, and some cross each other at an intersection and never meet again. Both are worth it, if you find peace and happiness, because that’s what’s missing in our busy lives and something we yearn for at the end of the day!

Lessons from a train journey..

A college student I was, until the last year. The point behind me revealing my personal info is nothing more than to let you know that, ‘I managed to get into a general compartment’ is a cliched statement that one gets to hear from us, the college students, especially when it is a spontaneous weekend escape plan. Well, my escape was nothing like a Goa trip or to attend a rave party, but only to go to a place I call my nearest home, far away from my home. Yes, I had gone to my aunt’s place during a 3 day holiday that my college had suddenly declared. Well, I am not getting into details of how it was at home, as home is home and everything ought to be perfect. The story is about my 2 hr train travel back to my college from my aunt’s place.

Now, to support my former statement, let me begin the story with, ‘I managed to get into a general compartment’. It was not the monsoon shower’s time, but let’s just say that the sun was having a gleeful time contrary to the frustration we experienced. I never liked the Ladies’ general compartment for some reason, especially when it was crowded. Unfortunately, I had no choice than to squeeze myself silently and make my way through the ladies/girls pushing and yelling at each other. Now, people have asked me why I have never booked my ticket atleast while I was travelling back , as it is always pre-planned when to leave. Well, can’t I just not travel with the economically challenged people of our country despite being able to afford a stress-free journey? I just like simple things and I don’t think I need a reason for it, right? And, if you really desperately need a reason, it is that this is the best way to know how it feels to be in their shoes and also to acknowledge the luxuries you have in your life and be grateful about it. Try it once and you will get to know!

Okay, getting back to my story. I’m amongst a compartment full of women of different age, culture and back-ground stories. You don’t need to ask them the story particularly, as majority of my kind is blessed with the interest to gossip about anything and everything and especially when one gets people of their own kind around them, then we just can’t avoid bonding over interfering with other people’s lives! So, the usual chitter-chatter was going on and me just being me, just plugged in to my world of music, as my intention was not to indulge into the negativity of gossips and only to be a silent spectator who didn’t mind travelling with them. Now, here are two of the peculiar observations I had and like to share, my dear readers :

There was an elderly lady wailing over the respect she never got from her only son and his family. She was travelling to the city where they resided, from her village where she stayed alone. As she was knitting a cute frock for her new-born grand-daughter, the fellow passengers sympathized over her plight and began to criticize the new stranger, they just had heard about, enthusiastically. (My mind: Acknowledge your parent’s sacrifice and presence until it is too late.)
There was a group of folk people, approx. 3-4 ladies and their total 8 kids. They didn’t have a phone nor did they know the station they had to get down at. They were sitting with hope and waiting for their men companions to rush to the compartment and get them out in a span of 2 minutes, considering the halt time. Their station arrived and a group of men barged into the ladies compartment and dragged the heavy sacks (10-12 of them) in a haste and asked the ladies to rush out with their kids. One particular child caught my attention due to her handicap. It will be difficult for me to explain in words about the sight I had as she smiled so sweetly, looked at me with sparkly eyes and tried to hold me with her “half” hand for support as her mother tried to make way amid the chaos. I didn’t want to convey the bizarre emotions behind my pale smile I casted back at her, seeing just the tiny half of her once entire hand. The other passengers just wanted to talk as I mentioned earlier, so they inquired from the mother what had happened to her and tried to evoke the feelings that she tried to control until then, just so that they could empathize. Phew! (My mind: Thank God for keeping you safe and value the only life you are gifted with. Also, never ever bring back the sad history of a person just for your entertainment!)

There were many others too but only these were worth mentioning as I felt a tug in my heart seeing them. Anyways, the gossip continued until THE tragedy happened. The train came to a halt midway and we didn’t get to know what had happened as we were at the other end of the train. But, gossip/news travel faster than the train itself these days. One of the water-bottle sellers you find in the train was trying to hop from the compartment he was in, on to the platform so as to run and enter the next compartment, while the train was in motion. Seeing him take his life so carelessly, fate thought of going for a stroll too and his body fell right into the tiny gap between the train and the platform. The train came to a halt but the damage was done anyways. As I witnessed such a tragedy from so near for the first time or atleast heard about it while being at the place of incidence, I felt shivers throughout my body. I didn’t want to look at the shattered, life-less body of his lie on the platform , which the people had managed to pull out. But yes, the women travelling along with me were excited to some different level as they got a bigger topic to talk about. They started discussing and describing what they saw and started talking about life again! My earphones couldn’t help me escape this time as my mind was stuck at the tragedy that just happened and wondering how people value their life so less. Yes, risks are necessary and Darr ke aage jeet hai (If you overcome your fear, you get success), but you only live once too!

As many as traumatic experiences I encountered in a 2 hr journey, that many lessons I did learn as well. Sometimes, you need to step into a world that is different from yours, only to learn many things more and have a moment of self-realization.

Just this one last time?!

A long-forgotten yet a beautiful story! Currently, that’s what I like to call that chapter in my life, whenever anyone shoots the most cliché post-breakup question towards me: “Have you moved on?!” Well by long-forgotten; please do not take the literal meaning out of it, my dear readers. I just ought to let you know that it’s been long enough for you to forget that and update yourself with new gossips. C’mon, I get the part that this story was once the talk in the city. But as necessary it is for me to move on, so is it for you! I’m done listening to all the sympathies and ‘awwws’ you would let out on hearing my short lived romantic story. I try to put enough full stops to that tale but you, the society, are just like the wind obstructing me from moving on to the next page. You blow in the wrong direction all over again; now you are supposed to help me in the direction of turning pages and then you were to blow in such a way that would pull her close to me. How can you mess it up every single time?! I hope my story is enough to let you know that you are invented to keep the dear ones close and keep the strangers off!!

Well, I’m kind of going off-track because my dear society, I’m not going to give you any more attention, at least that’s not what I wish to after all these years. I once had given you enough attention but only to lose something precious than a gem to me. Yes, I lost her! I lost my love while I gave an ear to all those crappy questions you kept bombarding at me. I could never provide her with an answer to why I love her or why it felt like home beside her or an affirmation to a happily ever after. It is unbelievable that I gave a damn thought to what all you ever made me believe in, when I was ought to surrender my only thoughts to her, to us! And that’s something that I guess I’ll regret life-long. Her thoughts haunt me still and this time I won’t hesitate to shout it out to the world, against all those ears waiting to eavesdrop to what my heart wants to whisper; her name. I won’t let you hush me down and I won’t step back from this very last time I want to speak about her because since long, behind the pale smile I flash upon you, I have been gulping down words waiting to break free. I don’t want to suffocate up on such a mesmerizing thought because all I wish is to continue living knowing that I was lucky enough to meet an angel like her! I beg of you to not stop me, this one last time…

Her twinkling eyes beautifully drawn with her only favourite makeup ‘kajal’ used to hold me back in such a magnetic way that I could see the entire future we were to stumble upon together; she never paused to think before she casted her pearly whites between her perfectly curved lips and yes, I can still hear her giggle in the silliest yet cutest way amongst the crowded local trains I travel by daily; her butter-fingers used to carelessly intertwine between my long fingers hoping to find her name embossed on my ring finger one day; and I can never forget the way her hair used to sway and fall over her perfectly carved face waiting to be brushed away by my fingers, only to find her breath-taking gaze and smile! What an exclusive creation of God she is, with such a striking look and an even more gentle soul within! Hmph. I just wish I could rewind time and that I had not stood there blankly gazing at her as the tears streamed down waiting for it to be wiped off by me, yes me! What was I waiting for? But, how could I, knowing that I was the reason for those drops soaking my shirt collar as she clung onto me tightly praying to stay that close with me forever? It’s only because I listened to you, my dearest society! I was scared you would cause her more hurt than you would to me, which is why I let her go before it’s too late; I let her slip away from my arms.

Since then, I have been choking on words she wished to hear that day, and I still can feel her presence around me hoping to just hear my heart beat her name. I won’t hold back this time, my dear… “I loved you, and I still love you. I want to scream your name out loud and wait until the echoes reach you, just so that I can let you know that you still rule my heart and it only beats for you, until day! What we had is a long-forgotten story because I want to start a fresh one and I commit to you that it will be a happily ever-after tale as you wished for! I won’t let you slip away from my arms this time and I want to die in your arms instead. But……..Right now, I’m scared, not of the society but only about whether time defeated us; What if the fake story I delivered to them reached you and, this time you believed their little lies and moved far away from me and left me on my own?! What if I’m too late, too late to comprehend that once again the society overtook and defeated me, with the help of time; and that I’m at loss again, a loss so beautiful and irresistable?!”

P.S. So many of us let go of our love fearing what the future may bring to us, mainly worrying about what the society will think of us. Does it really matter what they think? Yes, for a meanwhile it may. But, they too will move on with their lives, right? If you left your love fearing some ‘may or may not happen’ incident, was is it really love? Yes, you may have left your loved one to prevent anymore hassles or sorrow because you can’t bear to see tears in your loved one’s eyes, but do remember that you will never be able to forget that one. Do give it a thought!

Oh! How I’d wish.. (Part-2)

When the wind caressed me,

I’d wish that your arms embraced me…

When the rain showered on me,

I’d wish to drown in your eyes…

When the sun beamed upon us,

I’d wish to see a shadow,

of us and not mine alone…

When the snow left me shivering,

I’d wish that I could melt in your love…

And, when the autumn leaves shed on us,

I’d wish that I could walk by the lane,

with you in a bridal dress…

I gave up all of me to you,

my wishes to fate,

my expectations to reality,

and all that I’d think of,

in my tiny little fantasy land.

only to enter a world,

a world of reality filled with obstacles;

to end with you and I!

Oh! How I wish I could,

elope to my dreamland,

where I had been assured

a happily-ever-after;

and escape from this chaotic life,

where you and I aren’t assured ;

the thought that makes me all jittery…

I had always wished that,

I’d never need to write,

about us or just you,

because I want you to live in my life,

and not in my poems!

P.S. Well, not everything in life happens the way we want because the main controller of each one of our lives, God, is watching over us, from up there! And, he’d definitely want only the best for us…Keep calm and go with the flow!

“Kol shaye yahdos le sabab” .. (Everything happens for a reason in Arabic)

Oh! How I’d wish.. (Part-1)

Your eyes read words,

that your lips refused to speak

and those I yearned to listen…

Our hearts did beat in sync,

but our silence roared louder!

Amid a crowded room,

I still felt lost,

not because people failed to

bring a smile on my face,

but because of the absence of that one,

who only tried to make my heart smile!

Dressed at my best,

just to strike a conversation with you,

like those you’d have with my colleagues;

but let alone being called a joker,

I realized I’d be the one you never compliment!

Yes! I do not wish you to be,

like the mirror in Snow-white’s story,,

but ever wondered if it’s fair,

to be just like the butter-paper,

when I reflect your emotions

just like a perfect mirror?!

That day, the way you revolted back,

when fingers were pointed towards

your parents, someone that dear to you;

I wished to be the one,

that you’d be possessive after them!

I wished for once, you’d stand for me,

the way you’d do for them,

even though I’d never get a raise

in your chart of life’s priority…

To be continued….

Some Say..

Some say, Love’s a crazy feeling,
where you lose all your other senses..
But what if you are ready,
to set fire to your senses
for that one crazy soul?!

Some say, Love’s a beautiful feeling,
where you don’t have to get it right,
like Romeo & Juliet..
But be like that,
Grandpa & Grandma who spent,
amazing times together,
ignoring each others flaws;
laughing their hearts out,
through those teethless gums..

Some say Love’s gonna tear us apart,
in such a way that,
you feel lost without your better half..
Ain’t that true?!
But shouldn’t you be there,
for yourself always,
because you die alone eventually?

Some say Love’s a funny feeling,
where you don’t know,
what happens to you..
Your tummy turns into a kaleidoscope,
you see them everywhere;
But don’t you think,
you do need to add an,
eenie meenie pinch of fun factor,
to make your life intersting;
and for sure ,
someone to look & smile at?!

Some say Love’s gonna kill you,
where only the sincere one gets,
stabbed to death!
But, can you deny the fact that,
once born you have to die?
You got no option buddy,
go ahead, explore and love fearless;
or else you’re just gonna,
die a little, every single day..

Some say Love’s a special feeling,
where two souls become one,
YOU and I becomes WE,
and hell turns into paradise;
just ’cause of that one promise,
a promise to be together,
let it be then, now or forever..
But, never forget that,
your story is written,
in a unique and special way..

Some say Love’s all about trial and error,
where it ain’t necessary to get it right,
at the first shot itself..
But ever wondered,
if you lost your faith in love,
just ’cause of that one wrong person,
you are just,
just one step behind in,
findng your soulmate,
and they are still alone in this world,
waiting for you?!

Some say Love’s scary,
where you’ll be scared of dejection,
scared of losing your partner,
or scared to hear a ‘Goodbye’ from them..
But isn’t it more scarier,
scarier to know that,
these things in your mind,
are gonna taunt you 24/7,
’cause you know obviously,
Mind can be the worst Enemy at times?!
So, go out there and express yourself,
it may or may not happen,
why not give it a try?!
Waiting can hurt,
but what’s more painful,
is to forget somone,
someone you love!

Some say, some say,
Oh hold on!
What does it matter,
what those ‘some’ say?!
What matters is what,
your heart says,
your mind says,
and that’s what exactly counts!

Don’t you wanna experience,
those sweet and lovely moments,
with that perfect person?!
Don’t you wanna complete yourself,
with your better half?!
No one’s in a hurry alright!?
Just be patient and wait for the right one,
’cause you can’t rewrite the story;
the amazing ‘HAPPILY EVER AFTER’ story,
God has written for you;
But definitely add your bit of touch to it..

P.S. It’s not gonna be like any other love stories, because you are unique and God has added a unique touch to your story too..
A kid once asked God, “If you have written my story, why should I take any efforts? I’ll just go with the flow”, to which He replied that, ” You shouldn’t just sit back and watch.. It’s probably cause at few places, I have written ‘As you wish’ ” …